No-one expected a naked, fish-wielding, serenading Arg to appear on Gemma's doorstep, or that Gemma might be pregnant, or that Joey and Sam would be house-hunting. Episode four of series six of The Only Way is Essex was full of shocking surprises.
Where did all the love go? The only way is not up, baby.
Gemma Collins is not a happy bunny. We saw her confide in Lydia Bright and Mick Norcross last week, now she's confiding in her mum (the spitting image of Miss Collins) and her reflexologist-turned-psychiatrist. Gemma said: "He either makes a big bold statement and woos me or that's it, see you later James," but we don't think anyone was prepared for what happened next.
We never thought we'd see Arg in a thong on TOWIE. Perhaps in our worst nightmares, but not on our widescreen telly and all to woo Gemma back. Buying kissing fish and turning up naked, all while Gemma's mum was in the house may work for some ladies, but we're still not sure it's enough to keep the Jam-Gem love going strong. The serenading helped a little, especially as he managed to turn himself into a singing birthday card - every time Gemma opened the door he started up again.
Earlier in the episode, Arg had a good telling off from Mick about how he treats the ladies in his life, just what he needed. We definitely wouldn't want to get on his bad side, or Nanny Pat's for that matter. Jess Wright is really struggling with her trust issues and during a family chat, everyone's favourite Essex Nanny said: "If he [Ricky] does hurt her, he'll get one of them [a punch], and I mean it. I've done it before now..." Who's the scariest out the two? Ricky Rayment and Jess went a romantic dinner, but Jess ended up leaving saying she needed to think about things. There's a lot of love for Ricky around and he seemed genuinely emotional saying how much he loved Jess. We really don't want her insecurities to get in the way of their relationship.
Episode four saw Lauren Goodger and Tom Pearce on their first big date... to the cinema. Tom was obviously channeling his 14-year-old self, but seemed genuinely nervous before he left, even having to change his t-shirt (which didn't go unnoticed by Miss Chloe Sims, naughty). We think Lauren got the date location wrong as she turned up in a full-length dress and heels, which went really well with the 3D glasses. Everyone was treated to even more snogging and Lauren declaring that she had popcorn up her bum, lovely. The lady on the same row as them wasn't looking too impressed - we would have been throwing our popcorn in their direction!
Dates and mega snogs in the cinema were a little less serious than Sam and Joey's visit to the estate agents, although perhaps closer to Joey's mentality... Joey immediately asked what the most expensive house was and it wasn't long before the pair were bickering about wallpaper, games rooms and where the 'lads' could hang out together - just like a married couple but all before they've found a house. Oh dear. There was a small cheeky mention of the tiny pitter patter of baby Essex and Faiers too. A bit soon, but cute all the same? Baby Joey could ride Joey's baby Chopper from Arg...
Too Much Information
Finally, the TOWIE award for Too Much Information goes to Bobby and Gemma - congrats for making us all cringe. During a reflexology session, Bobby revealed an ex enjoyed sucking his toes while he wore flip flops (we can't stop picturing it) and the reflexologist said something was odd with Gemma's pelvic floor, to which Bobby replied that she was flapping like flip-flops. Gross. Or according to the reflexologist, Gemma might be pregnant! Wonder which she would prefer at the moment? Maybe the flip-flop flapping.
After all the surprises, we can't wait for episode five of The Only Way Is Essex on Sunday at 10pm on ITV2.