Why I’m putting Lady Gaga’s X Factor performance (and those M&S pants) in the bottom two

We were an audience that had sat through endless ballads and grown women in bridesmaid dresses and The Wanted doing their Westlife impression, so when Dermot said the words ‘Lady Gaga’ on this weekend’s X Factor results show, we stopped whining on Twitter for a few minutes and paid attention.

Lady Gaga's performance on X Factor made me sad. Copyright [Rex]

Except...was that Lady Gaga, one of the greatest pop stars of our age, or was it someone crawling around the stage in their M&S nude bra and pants? Pants that don’t say “pop star” so much as they say “time to put a wash on.”
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There was the confusion over what she was shouting during the song - penis? intravenous? - and the small concern that at times it felt like she was making it up as she went along, like someone drunk at 3am who decides they are SUPER talented at singing and should put on a little performance.

But mostly, conversation revolved around that underwear.

Lady Gaga pranced around the stage in M&S nude pants and bra. Copyright [Rex]

To paraphrase Mrs O’s harsh words to Abi, no-one would want to put the kettle on when Gaga is on the telly. But for the right reasons? This weekend I’m not sure.

The pressure to do something more bonkers than the last bonkers thing she did must be ever-present for Gaga, and pushing the boundaries is clearly one of the things that leads to such brilliance.

It was sad watching Lady Gaga in this state - not fun. Copyright [Rex]

At other times though  - let’s say stormy weekends in London in October, as a random example - they will lead to a woman roaming round the floor in her knickers with shells falling off her boobs singing “do what you want with my body.”

[X Factor: Miss Dynamix are latest act to get booted off in shock sing-off]

[Kelly Osbourne rejects Lady Gaga's peace offering to mum Sharon Osbourne]

I felt uncomfortable with that lyric - and I don’t have children on half-term or OfCom on speed-dial - and I felt sad watching Gaga.

Just like Miley waving around her big foam finger, the most memorable thing about the performance was the fact Gaga was not wearing outer layers. Gaga is better than the sum of her pants and her bra; when Gaga is performing, knickers should not steal the show.

It felt like Lady Gaga just wanted to get trending. Copyright [Rex]

I got the distinct feeling though that what people took away from her performance was incidental, so long as they took away something. So long as people were talking about her. So long as she trended on Twitter.

By that criteria then, she succeeded. But if the criteria were for people to enjoy the performance, then for me, it failed.

And as for “doing what I want to her body”? If it is really up to me then I’ll put a dressing gown, some slipper boots and a blanket on it and send it off for a little night in.

Are we watching Abi Alton on X Factor or Andrea Begley on The Voice? WE DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE! Copyright: [itv/bbc]
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Mon, Oct 21, 2013 15:00 BST