In honour of our Wireless New Comer of the Day, the excellent Iggy Azalea, we have put together some of our favourite (and highly giggle inducing) pop songs about genitals.
Please enjoy this decidedly NSFW playlist of songs about male and female organs and why they are awesome (or detachable, or hammer like). As ever, leave your own personal favourites in the comments (you KNOW you have them) and we'll put together a reader list in the future.
1. Poon-tang - The Treniers
The time: The early 50's. The band: The Treniers. The song: POOOOON TAAAAANG.
Just goes to show we've been singing about 'hugging and kissing' for a long ol' time. Also: orgasm saxophone. You'll know the bit we're talking about.
2. Detachable Penis - King Missile
The song which answers the question EVERY man ponders in the deep dark hours of the night: What if it was detachable? What would you DO with it? WHAT IF YOU LOST IT? Questions. Fortunately, King Missile have us covered.
[Pop Platter: 10 songs with and about food]
3. Pu$$y - Iggy Azalea
Yahoo! Wireless Festival performer Iggy Azalea rose to fame off the back of this viral hit. It's no wonder the song grabbed the attention of the Internet- especially when combined with its intensely surreal video. Also you will never look at Skittles the same way again.
4. Big Ten Inch Record - Aerosmith
This famous Aerosmith number was originally recorded by 1950s rhythm and blues man Bull Moose Jackson, but it's the boys cover which has stood the test of time. You can almost hear a collective intake of breath during that all important pause between "inch" and "record."
5. I Want Plenty Grease In My Frying Pan - Margaret Carter
As far as euphemisms go, this number from the mid 1920's is one of the more amazing and unpleasant. Ladies, do you need more grease in your frying pan? Is your man giving you enough lard? I think we'll stop now, as we're getting uncomfortably hungry.
6. My Ding a Ling - Chuck Berry
Chuck Berry's only number one song. Think about that for a second. Forget all about the story of a little boy slamming his junk on an elementary school fence and focus on the fact that THIS SONG charted higher than 'Johnny. B Goode.' Just saying. Bearing all that in mind- as far as songs about penises go this one is adorable.
[Artificial Intelligence: 10 songs that sound like robots]
7. She Bop - Cyndi Lauper
Girls just want to have fun, right? Cyndi Lauper takes her rallying cry to the next level with 'She Bop.' The fact the entire latter half of the song is nothing but the euphemism 'bop' over and over again leads us to wonder how the term never took off. The official campaign to 'Bring Back the Bop' starts here.
8. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
Many people still don't know what Peter Gabriel's 1986 smash hit is really about, despite the tons of sperm at the start of its famous video. Think about it: "You could have a big dipper, going up and down, all around the bends. You could have a bumper car, bumping, this amusement never ends, I want to be your sledgehammer, why don't you call my name?" The real reason no one figured it out the first time round? Nobody wants to be sledgehammered by Peter Gabriel.
9. Butcher Pete Pt. 1 - Roy Brown
Euphemisms galore! 'Big long knife!' 'Whackin!' 'Meat!' Actually this has all become a bit creepy. Girls, don't let Butcher Pete near your meat. Pete needs to go to jail (where apparently he will continue to help his cellmate with his meat).
10. The Penis Song - Monty Python
Well it had to be here. How could it not? The real shame is that the Pythons never crafted a follow up Vagina Song. Fortunately we have our next tune in the list to make up for it.
11. My Vag - Awkwafina
Awkwafina is a comedy rapper from New York who is going to get in your face with her va-jay. Fortunately, her vagina is the most epic of all vaginas: "My vag like an operatic ballad / yo vag like Grandpa's cabbage." So really you shouldn't mind having an operatic ballad in your face. Sounds culturally enriching.