Celebrity Big Brother launch night: could the twist have ruined the best series ever?

Jim Davidson saw Linda Nolan wee, Sam Faiers showed Joey Essex very explicitly what he was missing in her see-through jumpsuit and we did, as is customary now on Big Brother launch night, have a twist.

Linda Nolan and Jim Davidson inadvertently put Liz Jones and Dappy up for the chop. Copyright [Channel 5] For those few who still had some Christmas partying stamina left and went to the pub on Friday night, the twist was that the celebrities were handcuffed in pairs, with one of them - the aforementioned Jim and Linda - choosing another couple to release.

When they picked Daily Mail columnist and sperm-stealer Liz Jones and N-Dubz’ Dappy, they inadvertently put them up for eviction.

[Meet the Celebrity Big Brother 2014 housemates]


[Sam Faiers' failed attempt at hiding she is taking part in CBB 2014]

At which point, though I am not a fan of Liz Jones and find most of her views hideous, I wailed.

The likelihood is that because of an unpopularity garnered from writing such pieces as the one in which she accused Rihanna’s fashion sense of “inviting rape”, Dappy and the columnist will now be the first voted out of the Big Brother house, while interchangeable glamour model number one and interchangeable glamour model number two wave them off from the bottom of the stairs in their bikinis before heading off for a dip in the jacuzzi.
Dappy and Liz Jones are facing eviction as a pair on Wednesday and will be joined by two more pairs. Copyright …
And that, right there, is where this twist has gone wrong.

Leave the voting to the housemates back-to-basics style and though you have no guarantees, you’d stand a good chance of them voting off the blander characters first.

They’re celebrities, they take great offence at people who aren’t as famous as them thinking they’re on the same playing field.
Liz Jones and Dappy are two of the most controversial characters in the house. Copyright [Channel 5]
By doing it this way instead, Channel 5 have pushed themselves into a corner where they’re in danger of losing two of the house’s biggest characters.

And that would be a huge shame because seeing big names who court controversy like Liz and Dappy in the house? That’s the point of Big Brother. 

We don’t want to watch people we like; we want to watch people who make us and their fellow housemates rage.

People who we’ve had feelings towards - bad and good - from afar for years and now get to see up close on our TVs while we eat a bowl of pasta.

And while I may underestimate interchangeable glamour model one and two, my interest in watching them is lower than minimal simply because I have never heard of either of them.
Interchangeable model number one Jasmine Waltz. Copyright [Channel 5]
Not even in the usual dim-recognition-probably-from-the-Mail’s-sidebar-of-shame way.

Call me fussy Channel 5, but that’s crossed a line. Perhaps it seems even more noticeable too because the rest of the line-up are - in reality TV terms, Beyonce’s never going to be on no matter how much we want it - pretty famous.

So for Wednesday’s eviction, please let’s not let Liz go home to her hundred animals, or Dappy and his Versace suit head back down the stairs.

Not least because if he came dressed as a pair of curtains with a bum in the middle of them on day one, just imagine what else he has still to wear in that suitcase.

Who: Sam Faiers
Famous for: Starring in reality show The Only Way Is Essex
Most likely to: Give everyone in the house a Vajazzle and spill the beans on her relationship with co-star ex-boyfriend and I'm... more 
Who: Sam Faiers
Famous for: Starring in reality show The Only Way Is Essex
Most likely to: Give everyone in the house a Vajazzle and spill the beans on her relationship with co-star ex-boyfriend and I'm A Celebrity contestant Joey Essex. less 
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Fri, Jan 3, 2014 16:00 GMT